One of the Greatest Fears of Parents: the Death of a Child

I write as a father. It was on Friday night, October 2, 1987, that I received a call from a dear Christian friend of mine informing me that his teenage daughter had been killed in a car wreck. He asked me if I would go with him to Montgomery so he could identify the body of his precious child. My wife and I hurried over to his house to try to comfort him, his wife and family in their deep despair and grief in the loss of their child that had been so full of life only a few hours earlier. It was about 2:00 a.m. by the time we reached the place where his daughter was being held since she died in the car wreck. Because I knew the teenager and loved her dearly, it was hard enough for me emotionally and I just couldn’t imagine how difficult it was for this grieving father to do what he had to do. In 1973, when my younger brother, age 35, was killed in another state while crossing a four lane highway, I had to go to the local funeral home in my hometown to identify him and I knew how difficult that was for me. But, the thought of having a child to be killed and to leave this world and into eternity, surely would be one of the greatest crosses to bear in this life.

In recent days we have learned of several young people being killed in automobile accidents. One was a precious and sweet Christian teenage girl who lived in Decatur, Alabama. I read an email of sympathy and in it the individual asked “Why, God, why?” And it is not necessarily wrong to ask “Why”. We are but as little children who might ask their parents the same when they did not understand the reason the hurt they were feeling in their hearts when something bad had happened to them. I could say to you that when God created the universe He set in order certain laws like gravity. When an evil person or an innocent child falls from a 10 story building, the results will be the same. And, when two vehicles traveling at certain speeds collide, serious injuries or deaths may occur. As being able to answer all the “whys”, I cannot. It becomes most difficult to deal with when bad things happen to good people, especially fine Christian young people.

David, in the depths of despair, asked, “Why do You stand afar off, O Lord? Why do you hide in times of trouble” (Psalm 10:1)? Again he asked, “How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, Having sorrow in my heart daily? How long will my enemy be exalted over me? In his humanity, he asked these questions but he knew in his heart that the God of the universe cared for him and was with him. So he expressed his inner feelings in this manner, “But I have trusted in Your mercy; My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, Because He has dealt bountifully with me” (Psalm 13:5, 6).

Then consider Job who “was blameless and upright and one who feared God and shunned evil”; and, “was the greatest of all the people of the East.” God asked Satan, “Have you considered My servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, one who fears God and shuns evil?” (Job 1:1, 3, 8). Yet he lost so much of his earthly possessions, had sores all over his body; but, to me, the greatest loss of all were the deaths of his children (Job 1:18, 19). How does a parent deal with such an overwhelming catastrophe? I am amazed that Job could have continued to live but he did. When you read the entire book you will find that Job did have questions that he presented to God but his example of endurance has given encouragement throughout the centuries to believers when tragedies strike their families and loved ones. Consider these responses of Job to his great grief: “Then Job arose, tore his robe, and shaved his head; and he fell to the ground and worshiped. And he said: “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, And naked shall I return there. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord.” “But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips.” “But He knows the way that I take; When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold.” (Job 1:20, 21; 2:10; 23:10). To me, the outstanding statement that Job made in dealing with his lack of understanding of the “whys” relating to his losses is found in chapter 13 and in verse 15: “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him” (KJV).

In this life we may never know all the answers to the “whys” as to the trials, tribulations, disappointments,
difficulties and deaths that occur in our lives but we can trust in Him who knows all things and can work out everything to our eternal welfare (Romans 8:28). May the following poem bless and strengthen the hearts of all parents who have lost their precious children to death.

God's Lent Child

“I’ll lend you, for a little while,

A child of mine,” God said,

“For you to love the while he lives,

And mourn for when he’s dead.

It may be six or seven years,

Or twenty-two or three;

But will you, ‘til I call him back,

Take care of him for me?

He’ll bring his charms to gladden you

And, should his stay be brief,

You’ll have his lovely memories

As a solace for your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay,

Since all from earth return;

But there are lessons taught below

I want this child to learn.

I’ve looked the whole world over

In search for teachers true;

And from the things that crowd life’s land

I have chosen you.

Now, will you give him all your love

Nor think the labor vain?

Nor hate me when I come to take

This lent child back again?

I fancied that I heard them say:

“Dear Lord, Thy will be done.

For all the joys Thy child will bring

The risk of grief we’ll run.

We’ll shelter him with tenderness,

We’ll love him while we may –

And for the happiness we’ve known

Forever grateful stay.

But should Thy Angel call for him

Much sooner than we’ve planned,

We’ll brave the bitter grief that comes

And try to understand.”

~Author unknown (attributed to Edgar Guest)

"All Men Have Clay Feet"

I was a sophomore at Alabama Christian College when my teacher, Dr. Rex Turner, Sr, said to a classroom of young men who were planning to be preachers of the gospel of Christ that “All men have clay feet.” I thought to myself, what a profound saying, but what does it mean?” Now after decades of dealing with humanity, I have learned what he meant. Regardless of the status, prominence, position and power a person may have, many have proven that “all men have clay feet.” Kings, presidents, governors, senators, legislatures, mayors, yes, and even preachers have proven that all men have weaknesses and flaws in their character. How often have we heard of great leaders and influential persons who have been found guilty of acts of immorality and dishonesty and have brought shame and reproach on their families, friends and even their country. Now there is Joe Paterno, legendary football coach at Penn State University, a man whose reputation for some 60 years has permeated the world of athletics and has been known for his gentleman ways and fairness. A person we all respected and felt like it was an honor that our favorite football team could have the privilege of playing against him and his teams. How sad that his lengthy career should end in such a dishonorable fashion. But, coach Paterno, like the rest of us, has proven beyond the shadow of a doubt, that “all men have clay feet”.

The apostle Paul in writing to the church in Rome stated that “There is none righteous, no, not one”: and, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:10, 23). Even Paul had personal problems and he had to practice self-control, lest he should bring shame to the name of Jesus Christ. Read carefully what he wrote in 1 Corinthians 9:27: “But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified.” The apostle of love, John, wrote concerning the children of God: “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us”; and, “If we say that we have not sinned; we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us” (1 John 1:8, 10). In short, “all men have clay feet”. The only person who has lived on the earth and who did not have “clay feet” was the sinless Son of God, Jesus Christ. Oh yes, He was “in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin” (Matthew 4:1-11; Hebrews 4:15). Jesus Christ died on Calvary and shed His precious blood that we all could be forgiven of our sins (Ephesians 1:7; John 3:16; Hebrews 2:9). To the sinners on Pentecost who became believers in Jesus as being the Christ, the apostle Peter instructed them to “repent, and let every one of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sin; and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit” (Acts 2:36-38). And Christians who falter along life’s way and sin, we have this blessed assurance: “But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin”; and, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:7, 9). Perfect people, we are not, but thanks be to God for His infinite grace, love and mercy, we can be forgiven.

A Promise Fulfilled

My only sister and sibling remaining out of a family of six children born to Walter and Victoria Elliott, Avanelle Elliott Newman, died on July 14, 2011 at the age of 82. She would have been 83 had she lived until November 12. Avanelle was born in Dekalb County near Elliott’s Crossroad which is located about 3 miles south of the small town of Henagar, Alabama in the year of 1928. In 1933 my parents and three children moved to Trion, Georgia for work in the Riegel Glove Mill and Cotton Mill.

Before Avanelle died, she learned that her term insurance had expired so there were not sufficient funds for the burial expenses. Individual Christians of the Buckingham Road church of Christ in Garland, Texas where she was a member and some relatives gave the money needed to have her body cremated. Her daughter and only child, her three grandchildren, along with the congregation, had a memorial service for “Ninny” on Sunday, July 24. I shall always remember the compassion and love manifested toward my beloved sister by the members of the Buckingham Road congregation. After several weeks had past, I make arrangements for her remains to be sent to the Kirby Funeral Home in Henagar. On Thursday, October 6, Virginia and I drove up to Henagar and took possession of my sister’s remains. A cousin of mine, Wendell Elliott, of Rainsville, Alabama and I prepared a grave site where my sister’s remains would be buried. There was a space between the graves of our parents and our younger brother Frank who was killed in an accident at the age of 35 where my sister’s remains would eventually rest. Avanelle had always expressed a desire to be buried in the Unity Cemetery next to our parents and I promised her if it was possible, I would fulfill her wish.

Over the 50+ years that I have been preaching and speaking at funerals and at graveside services, I had never experienced such as this one. On a beautiful autumn Friday morning, October 9, 2011, I spoke in the presence of a few relatives and friends who had gathered in the quietness of the rural surroundings near an old church building. I spoke of Avanelle’s struggle to survive after she became a single mother with a teenage daughter to rear. The daughter earned a degree  from a university and became a nurse. When our mother died in 1988, Avanelle moved to the greater Dallas, Texas area where Vickie and her family lived. She existed only on a meager income but she survived. She suffered with emphysema for years and finally cancer took her life.

When most of the relatives and friends had left, I went to the car and removed the container that held my sister’s remains. I still think of the weight of the ashes in my hands that once was my dear sister. I knelt down beside the opening in the earth and with love in my heart and as gentle as I could, I placed the container in the small grave. I then took a shovel and began filling the opening with the dirt previously removed by my cousin and me. Needlessly to say, I had difficulty in controlling my emotions. We all made sure that the sod of grass that I had removed was situated just right and Virginia placed a vase of flowers that she had bought where the marker I ordered for my sister’s grave would eventually rest. When we drove away, my emotions were mixed but I felt like I had done what my sister desired and that was to be buried next to mother and dad. I had fulfilled my promise.

Farmers, Faith, and the Father

Virginia and I had watched the growing of winter wheat beginning in late summer of 2010 until the spring of 2011. You see, when we are approaching our home we leave the city limits and pass through a portion of a farm that is located on both sides of County Road 12 or Powell Road. We then turn south for a short distance and once again we are in the city limits of Prattville, Alabama where we make our home. Presently we are observing how fast the soybeans and the purple hull peas are growing so rapidly since we have finally received some wonderful and much needed rain. Though I have never farmed on such a level, I have had gardens in most places where we have lived. In fact, in one town I had 30 long rows of various vegetables. One morning I pulled 300 hundred ears of sweet corn for Virginia to prepare and freeze for later consumption by our family of six. But I do enjoy watching the crops grow to maturity so the farmers can harvest them.

Farmers, bless their hearts, have to be people of great faith. Faith that in the future when the seeds are planted the sun will warm the earth and that the rains will fall to aid the seed to germinate and then to water the plants in order for them to grow until the harvest time. Patience in the ploughman is predicated upon faith, faith that the God of the universe will supply the needed environment for there to be a harvest. The biblical writer James wrote in James 5:7, “Therefore be patient, brethren unto the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, waiting patiently for it until it receives the early and latter rain.” Farming is certainly a calculated risk because if there is not enough moisture for the plant to grow, or, if there is too much water there will a disaster and not a harvest.

The writer James also declared in chapter 1 and verse 17 of his epistle, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.” There are two points to consider from this passage. The first is that God the Father is the source of all of life’s blessings. We will agree that the needed ingredients for the harvest of the various crops are the warmth from the sun and the rain that falls upon the earth. Second, when God says something you can ‘bank’ on it. The Lord Jesus made this declaration as found in Matthew 5:45, “(F)or He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.” Thus all men are recipients of the physical blessings from the Heavenly Father, the Creator of the universe. Following the universal flood God made a promise when He said, “While the earth remains, Seedtime and harvest, Cold and heat, Winter and summer, And day and night Shall not cease” (Genesis 8:22).  There are times when we have cold days in the summer and hot days in the winter but the fact is that as long as the earth exists there will be the different seasons of the year for the planting and the harvest of the various crops by the famers.

While driving by the acres of winter wheat one day we saw a man combining the wheat and I told my wife that I needed to take pictures of that beautiful scene. When we arrived home I got my camera and back to the field I went. I parked my truck and started to walk near the combine to take a picture of it and when I did the operator stopped and motioned for me to come near and so I did. Then he pushed the door opened and asked me to join him. I was really surprised at his offer but I hurried to the machine and climbed up in the cab with the gentleman. This was my first ever ride in such a giant of farm machinery. After we introduced ourselves I began to take pictures. I could not help but think of this poem as we harvested the beautiful wheat:

“Back of the loaf is the snowy flour,

Back of the flour, the mill;

Back of the mill are the wheat and shower

And the sun and the Father’s will.”

That is the very reason why we all should express our gratitude to God before we eat our food like the apostle Paul did as recorded in Acts 27:35, “And when he had said these things, he took bread and gave thanks to God in the presence of them all; and when he had broken it he began to eat.” He recognized that it was God who had blessed them with the food that they were about to eat.

How truly blessed we are in this land wherein we live. God has been good to us as a nation of people and we should never forget His grace in providing our freedom and the physical and material blessings we enjoy.

It was in the year of 1893 when Katherine Lee Bates, age 33, an English professor at Wellesley College made a train trip to Colorado Springs, Colorado to teach summer classes when she was inspired to write the following poem because of the beautiful scenery she saw while traveling. I just believe that she was greatly motivated to write certain lines in her poem when she saw the magnificent fields of wheat in the state of Kansas. Here is the first stanza of that poem:

AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL

O beautiful for spacious skies,

For amber waves of grain,

For purple mountain majesties

Above the fruited plain!

America! America!

God shed His grace on thee,

And crown thy good with brotherhood

From sea to shining sea!

(Photos by RE)