One of the Greatest Fears of Parents: the Death of a Child

I write as a father. It was on Friday night, October 2, 1987, that I received a call from a dear Christian friend of mine informing me that his teenage daughter had been killed in a car wreck. He asked me if I would go with him to Montgomery so he could identify the body of his precious child. My wife and I hurried over to his house to try to comfort him, his wife and family in their deep despair and grief in the loss of their child that had been so full of life only a few hours earlier. It was about 2:00 a.m. by the time we reached the place where his daughter was being held since she died in the car wreck. Because I knew the teenager and loved her dearly, it was hard enough for me emotionally and I just couldn’t imagine how difficult it was for this grieving father to do what he had to do. In 1973, when my younger brother, age 35, was killed in another state while crossing a four lane highway, I had to go to the local funeral home in my hometown to identify him and I knew how difficult that was for me. But, the thought of having a child to be killed and to leave this world and into eternity, surely would be one of the greatest crosses to bear in this life.

In recent days we have learned of several young people being killed in automobile accidents. One was a precious and sweet Christian teenage girl who lived in Decatur, Alabama. I read an email of sympathy and in it the individual asked “Why, God, why?” And it is not necessarily wrong to ask “Why”. We are but as little children who might ask their parents the same when they did not understand the reason the hurt they were feeling in their hearts when something bad had happened to them. I could say to you that when God created the universe He set in order certain laws like gravity. When an evil person or an innocent child falls from a 10 story building, the results will be the same. And, when two vehicles traveling at certain speeds collide, serious injuries or deaths may occur. As being able to answer all the “whys”, I cannot. It becomes most difficult to deal with when bad things happen to good people, especially fine Christian young people.

David, in the depths of despair, asked, “Why do You stand afar off, O Lord? Why do you hide in times of trouble” (Psalm 10:1)? Again he asked, “How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, Having sorrow in my heart daily? How long will my enemy be exalted over me? In his humanity, he asked these questions but he knew in his heart that the God of the universe cared for him and was with him. So he expressed his inner feelings in this manner, “But I have trusted in Your mercy; My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, Because He has dealt bountifully with me” (Psalm 13:5, 6).

Then consider Job who “was blameless and upright and one who feared God and shunned evil”; and, “was the greatest of all the people of the East.” God asked Satan, “Have you considered My servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, one who fears God and shuns evil?” (Job 1:1, 3, 8). Yet he lost so much of his earthly possessions, had sores all over his body; but, to me, the greatest loss of all were the deaths of his children (Job 1:18, 19). How does a parent deal with such an overwhelming catastrophe? I am amazed that Job could have continued to live but he did. When you read the entire book you will find that Job did have questions that he presented to God but his example of endurance has given encouragement throughout the centuries to believers when tragedies strike their families and loved ones. Consider these responses of Job to his great grief: “Then Job arose, tore his robe, and shaved his head; and he fell to the ground and worshiped. And he said: “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, And naked shall I return there. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord.” “But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips.” “But He knows the way that I take; When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold.” (Job 1:20, 21; 2:10; 23:10). To me, the outstanding statement that Job made in dealing with his lack of understanding of the “whys” relating to his losses is found in chapter 13 and in verse 15: “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him” (KJV).

In this life we may never know all the answers to the “whys” as to the trials, tribulations, disappointments,
difficulties and deaths that occur in our lives but we can trust in Him who knows all things and can work out everything to our eternal welfare (Romans 8:28). May the following poem bless and strengthen the hearts of all parents who have lost their precious children to death.

God's Lent Child

“I’ll lend you, for a little while,

A child of mine,” God said,

“For you to love the while he lives,

And mourn for when he’s dead.

It may be six or seven years,

Or twenty-two or three;

But will you, ‘til I call him back,

Take care of him for me?

He’ll bring his charms to gladden you

And, should his stay be brief,

You’ll have his lovely memories

As a solace for your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay,

Since all from earth return;

But there are lessons taught below

I want this child to learn.

I’ve looked the whole world over

In search for teachers true;

And from the things that crowd life’s land

I have chosen you.

Now, will you give him all your love

Nor think the labor vain?

Nor hate me when I come to take

This lent child back again?

I fancied that I heard them say:

“Dear Lord, Thy will be done.

For all the joys Thy child will bring

The risk of grief we’ll run.

We’ll shelter him with tenderness,

We’ll love him while we may –

And for the happiness we’ve known

Forever grateful stay.

But should Thy Angel call for him

Much sooner than we’ve planned,

We’ll brave the bitter grief that comes

And try to understand.”

~Author unknown (attributed to Edgar Guest)

My Memories of Martin

My brother’s name was actually Walter Martin Elliott, named after our father, Walter Matthew. He was the first child of six born to Walter and Victoria Elliott. Martin was born on March 31, 1926 in the Elliott’s Crossroads community in Dekalb County, Alabama. He, along with two siblings, moved with my parents to Trion, Georgia, where they found work in the textile mills in early 1933. Later in 1941 the family made their home in Summerville, Georgia, where Martin grew into his teenage years. He was well known and liked by those who knew him. He worked for Hinton Logan, a Christian brother, in a local grocery store in downtown Summerville. I remember him having an automobile with a ‘rumble seat’ in the back of the car. Martin was over six feet tall and very handsome.

 He fell in love with a beautiful young lady from Fort Payne, Alabama, Catherine King. They eloped when he was eighteen years old and were married in the small community of Rising Fawn near Trenton, Georgia. Martin was soon drafted into the military and began serving in the U.S. Army in 1944. It was during the time when men were greatly needed in the war with Germany and Japan. The young men did not receive extensive training for combat duty. I remember that he took his basic training at Fort Blanding near Jacksonville, Florida for about three months and was soon shipped off to Europe.

Martin was a Private First Class and served in the 178 INFANTRY 95 DIVISION and was with a machine gun squadron. It was during the winter of 1944-45 that the American military forces were making advances into the northwestern part of Germany. During an intense battle near the town of Hamn, Germany, Martin was wounded and died soon afterward. He was at the age when young men and women were enrolling in colleges and/or going into the work force but our country needed our youth in combat to fight against the forces of the Nazi Regime. Martin celebrated his 19th birthday anniversary on March 31, 1945 and was killed six days later on April 5, approximately two months before Germany surrendered to the Allied Forces.

My father was at work at the cotton mill which was located in the southern part of the town of Summerville when he received the telegram that contained the dreaded news that his oldest son had been killed in action. He then walked the long distance to the house where we lived on West Washington Street to bring that news to us. That part of the road was unpaved and our rental house was located on the top of a ridge. I was standing on the front porch when I saw him coming up the hill and he shouted out the words I have never forgotten, “Martin has been killed.” I was almost 10 years old at the time and I remember well the over-whelming sorrow and grief my family experienced upon learning that terrible news, especially my parents. We had not received any ‘air mail’ letters from Martin for sometime and my parents were greatly concerned about his safety. Following the news of his death we received packages back that my mother had sent to him, some containing food items and I well remember that mother would not permit my younger brother and me to eat the sweets.

Martin’s wife had the choice of having his body brought back to the states for burial or to be buried in a military cemetery in Europe and she chose the latter and this decision nearly killed my parents, especially mother who suffered emotionally for several years as they never had any ‘closure’ relating to the death of their precious first born child. I remember how I believed that he had not been killed but perhaps captured or wounded and that one day he would come home.

Martin was buried in the Netherlands American Cemetery in the village of Margraten, 6 miles east of Maastricht. Though I have never seen his grave site, I have a niece who visited his grave; and a friend who attended worship at the Prattville church several years ago who was a native of Holland and while visiting relatives in Rotterdam she made a special trip to the cemetery where Martin is buried. She brought me the flag that was on his grave and here is a picture that she gave me.

I found a letter that was written to my parents from a fellow soldier and friend of my brother Martin but over time the name of that individual had been torn from the bottom of the page and so the writer’s identity remains unknown.

Following the death of our mother in 1988, the Purple Heart awarded to Martin was left in my possession. It is a constant reminder of the supreme sacrifices that were made during WWII, thousands of whom were mere teenagers. Though he has been dead since 1945, I have endeavored to keep the memory of my dear brother Martin and the sacrifice he made as a youth to help keep the world free from the oppression of the Nazi Regime in the hearts of our children.

Have You Hugged Your Child Today?

I know that this question has been asked millions of times and has been around for many years but it is still a legitimate question. It was on a Sunday night that a friend called and informed us of a tragedy that affected a great number of relatives and even a greater number of friends. It is such a sad story that lingers in your heart and very hard to dismiss from your thoughts even when you retire at night.

Brian and Kristy Gray and their precious little princess Helen had been to visit grandparents, great-grandparents and other relatives in Alabama and were on their way home in Winder, Georgia on Sunday afternoon following Thanksgiving Day when traffic on I85 in Georgia slowed almost to a halt for some unknown reason. It was then a driver hit the rear of their van at a high rate of speed and the impact was so strong that the almost three year old Helen was killed immediately. Kristy, the mother and wife, was critically injured while Brian was knocked unconscious. In a moment of time their world was turned upside down. Kristy is facing several surgeries on her back but there is the possibility that she may never walk again. Their families have gathered to render support in any way that they can. Friends and complete strangers are praying daily for this fine Christian couple.

I immediately emailed our four children and asked them to hug our grandchildren for their grandparents and while doing that, hug one another. All of our grandchildren live hundreds of miles from us. I watched a video of our youngest grandchild Annie sing a song about 'Grandparents Day’ at her school in Colorado Springs that her father had sent us. I felt so strongly that I needed to hug a child that I went across the street to visit friends who have three children, the youngest being a beautiful girl named Josie Lee, age seventeen months, and she came to me and I gave her a big hug. The Lord Jesus Christ loved children. When He was asked “Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” He then “called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them, and said, “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will no means enter the kingdom of heaven. “Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. “Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me” (Matthew 18:1-5). In Matthew 19:13-15 we read, “Then little children were brought to Him that He might put His hands on them and pray, but the disciples rebuked them. But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven.” And He laid His hands on them and departed from there.” No doubt heaven will be greatly populated by little children who died in their innocence. The ‘little princess’ Helen is now safe in the arms of Jesus. The death of a child or a grandchild must be one of the most difficult things to deal with in this life. Our tears and heartaches are for those loved ones who remain on this side of eternity. While many of us cannot empathize with Brian and Kristy, we do weep with them (Romans 12:15). I encourage you to send a card to Brian and Kristy Gray at 1421 Langdon Park Court , Winder, Georgia 30680. And be sure to hug your children today.

Hugs From Heaven

When you feel a gentle breeze

Caress you when you sigh

It's a hug sent from Heaven

From your loved one way up high.

If a soft and tender raindrop

Lands upon your nose

She's added a small kiss

As fragile as a rose. If a song you hear fills you

With a feeling of sweet love

It's a hug sent from Heaven

From someone special up above.
If you awaken in the morning

To a bluebird's chirping song

It's music sent from Heaven

To cheer you all day long. If tiny little snowflakes

Land upon your face

It's a hug sent from Heaven

Trimmed with Angel lace.
So keep the joy in your heart

When you're lonely my dear parents

Hugs that are sent from Heaven

A broken heart will mend.

~ Charlotte Anselmo ~
(Slightly edited by me, RE)

A Girl Named Skylar

A long time before this beautiful girl named Skylar was born, I visited the church where she and her family worshiped together. It was in 1953 or 1954, I was a freshman in college at the time, and went with a preacher friend and his family one Sunday to worship with this group of Christians. I remember it so well because the brethren at that time used real wine in the communion. I didn’t know it was wine, and not just grape juice, before I drank it but I will guarantee you that I knew it was wine after I swallowed it. Forget worship, I coughed and gagged for the next thirty minutes.

This small congregation is located just south of a community called Deatsville, Alabama. The building sets a good distance off the highway. There are massive oak trees practically on every side of the building with large roots protruding from the ground. The steps leading up to the front entrance are steep and many. The setting is serene and pastoral as a rural church building should be. Over the intervening years I have preached in gospel meetings, spoken on special occasions and have ‘filled in’ for the regular preacher for this congregation numerous times. During these visits with the Cold Springs Church I became acquainted with most of the families that attend the assemblies there. And that brings me to Skylar Norton.

On the Sunday mornings when Virginia and I would arrive at the church building for Sunday School usually Rick and his two children would already be there. Jamie, the wife and mother would arrive later. The father would open the building and he and his two children, Skylar and Tyler would begin various duties. Usually Tyler would begin sweeping the leaves off the front porch and the steps. Skylar would go to the room where the communion bread and grape juice were located. She then would prepare the communion for use in the worship assemblies. It seems that this was her job. She did it for a long time. Virginia tried to help her once and she replied kindly, “I can do it myself.” Skylar was a beautiful and sweet child. You could see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice. She was always ‘lady-like’.

She was a Daddy’s girl. He would take her hunting with him and give her the opportunity to harvest a deer. She and her younger brother were inseparable. She was greatly loved by all her family. I knew her grandfather Tillman while we were in college. It was on a Friday evening of October 3, 2008 that as a member of the Holtville High School Marching Band she was preparing for the football game that old Death descended like a tornado and struck down this precious thirteen year old child in the presence of her classmates. But Death did not get the victory because God sent His angels quickly to gather the spirit of Skylar and brought that lovely child to rest in a paradise prepared for His children.

There was much rejoicing by the host of angels that such a beautiful child had been brought home. But on this side of eternity there were the hearts of her father, mother, brother and all her family and friends that were broken. There were uncontrollable emotions being vented through the rivers of tears that were being shed. As frail human beings we began to ask “Why”? It is not that we doubted God but as little children we just did not understand why such a beautiful child as Skylar should have her short life to end so soon on this earth. When all the disasters struck Job and that included the deaths of his ten children he still said, “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.” Perhaps in that better land we will know the answers to our questions about the tragedies we have had to suffer in this life. Here is a rather lengthy poem I want to leave with you that hopefully it will give comfort to her parents and loved ones.

“GOD’S LENT CHILD”
(Author unknown)

“I’ll lend you, for a little while,
A child of mine,” God said,
“For you to love the while he lives,
And mourn for when he’s dead.


It may be six or seven years
Or twenty-two or three;
But will you, ‘til I call him back,
Take care of him for me?


He’ll bring his charms to gladden you
And, should his stay be brief,
You’ll have his lovely memories
As a solace for your grief.


I cannot promise he will stay,
Since all from earth return;
But there are lessons taught below
I want this child to learn.


I’ve looked the whole world over
In search for teachers true;
And from the things that crowd life’s land
I have chosen you.


Now, will you give him all your love
Nor think the labor vain?
Nor hate me when I come to take
This lent child back again?


I fancied that I heard them say:
“Dear Lord, Thy will be done.
For all the joys Thy child will bring
The risk of grief we’ll run.


We’ll shelter him with tenderness,
We’ll love him while we may –
And for the happiness we’ve known
Forever grateful stay.

But should Thy Angel call for him
Much sooner than we’ve planned,
We’ll brave the bitter grief that comes
And try to understand.”