One of the Greatest Fears of Parents: the Death of a Child

I write as a father. It was on Friday night, October 2, 1987, that I received a call from a dear Christian friend of mine informing me that his teenage daughter had been killed in a car wreck. He asked me if I would go with him to Montgomery so he could identify the body of his precious child. My wife and I hurried over to his house to try to comfort him, his wife and family in their deep despair and grief in the loss of their child that had been so full of life only a few hours earlier. It was about 2:00 a.m. by the time we reached the place where his daughter was being held since she died in the car wreck. Because I knew the teenager and loved her dearly, it was hard enough for me emotionally and I just couldn’t imagine how difficult it was for this grieving father to do what he had to do. In 1973, when my younger brother, age 35, was killed in another state while crossing a four lane highway, I had to go to the local funeral home in my hometown to identify him and I knew how difficult that was for me. But, the thought of having a child to be killed and to leave this world and into eternity, surely would be one of the greatest crosses to bear in this life.

In recent days we have learned of several young people being killed in automobile accidents. One was a precious and sweet Christian teenage girl who lived in Decatur, Alabama. I read an email of sympathy and in it the individual asked “Why, God, why?” And it is not necessarily wrong to ask “Why”. We are but as little children who might ask their parents the same when they did not understand the reason the hurt they were feeling in their hearts when something bad had happened to them. I could say to you that when God created the universe He set in order certain laws like gravity. When an evil person or an innocent child falls from a 10 story building, the results will be the same. And, when two vehicles traveling at certain speeds collide, serious injuries or deaths may occur. As being able to answer all the “whys”, I cannot. It becomes most difficult to deal with when bad things happen to good people, especially fine Christian young people.

David, in the depths of despair, asked, “Why do You stand afar off, O Lord? Why do you hide in times of trouble” (Psalm 10:1)? Again he asked, “How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, Having sorrow in my heart daily? How long will my enemy be exalted over me? In his humanity, he asked these questions but he knew in his heart that the God of the universe cared for him and was with him. So he expressed his inner feelings in this manner, “But I have trusted in Your mercy; My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, Because He has dealt bountifully with me” (Psalm 13:5, 6).

Then consider Job who “was blameless and upright and one who feared God and shunned evil”; and, “was the greatest of all the people of the East.” God asked Satan, “Have you considered My servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, one who fears God and shuns evil?” (Job 1:1, 3, 8). Yet he lost so much of his earthly possessions, had sores all over his body; but, to me, the greatest loss of all were the deaths of his children (Job 1:18, 19). How does a parent deal with such an overwhelming catastrophe? I am amazed that Job could have continued to live but he did. When you read the entire book you will find that Job did have questions that he presented to God but his example of endurance has given encouragement throughout the centuries to believers when tragedies strike their families and loved ones. Consider these responses of Job to his great grief: “Then Job arose, tore his robe, and shaved his head; and he fell to the ground and worshiped. And he said: “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, And naked shall I return there. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord.” “But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips.” “But He knows the way that I take; When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold.” (Job 1:20, 21; 2:10; 23:10). To me, the outstanding statement that Job made in dealing with his lack of understanding of the “whys” relating to his losses is found in chapter 13 and in verse 15: “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him” (KJV).

In this life we may never know all the answers to the “whys” as to the trials, tribulations, disappointments,
difficulties and deaths that occur in our lives but we can trust in Him who knows all things and can work out everything to our eternal welfare (Romans 8:28). May the following poem bless and strengthen the hearts of all parents who have lost their precious children to death.

God's Lent Child

“I’ll lend you, for a little while,

A child of mine,” God said,

“For you to love the while he lives,

And mourn for when he’s dead.

It may be six or seven years,

Or twenty-two or three;

But will you, ‘til I call him back,

Take care of him for me?

He’ll bring his charms to gladden you

And, should his stay be brief,

You’ll have his lovely memories

As a solace for your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay,

Since all from earth return;

But there are lessons taught below

I want this child to learn.

I’ve looked the whole world over

In search for teachers true;

And from the things that crowd life’s land

I have chosen you.

Now, will you give him all your love

Nor think the labor vain?

Nor hate me when I come to take

This lent child back again?

I fancied that I heard them say:

“Dear Lord, Thy will be done.

For all the joys Thy child will bring

The risk of grief we’ll run.

We’ll shelter him with tenderness,

We’ll love him while we may –

And for the happiness we’ve known

Forever grateful stay.

But should Thy Angel call for him

Much sooner than we’ve planned,

We’ll brave the bitter grief that comes

And try to understand.”

~Author unknown (attributed to Edgar Guest)

Children That Are Grand

The Psalmist wrote, “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed, But shall speak with their enemies in the gate” (Psalm 127:3-5). While he wrote regarding one’s children, the same can be said about grandchildren. Someone has said that had he known how grand grandchildren were, he and his wife would have had them first! Virginia and I have been blessed with nine grandchildren and we love them dearly. We pray nightly for their physical and spiritual well being. We want them to love Jesus and give their lives to Him. Because of our age I think what the Psalmist wrote in chapter 71:17-18 could apply to us: “O God, You have taught me from my youth; And to this day I declare Your wondrous works. Now also when I am old and grayheaded, O God, do not forsake me, Until I declare Your strength to this generation, your power to everyone who is to come.”

How wonderful and beautiful it is to be loved by your children’s children! There’s nothing exactly like it. Our nine grandchildren are talented in various ways. Unfortunately they all live in different states and they live a long way from us. Virginia and I cherish the times when our grandchildren would express their love to Papa and Ma. The youngest grandchild, Annie, came into this world loving singing. She would sit in my lap and listen for long periods of time to hymns being played on a CD. If I changed to instrumental music she would become disturbed, so I would go back to the Christian hymns. Here is Annie, age 5 years and 8 months old, the daughter of Matt and Lela singing a song to her Papa and Ma. The occasion was for a Grandparents Day program at her school in Colorado Springs, Colorado. (In order to resume the background music, please click here to be directed to our Annie's performance. Thank you ~RE)

Jesus Loved(s) Children

The lines were very long as we waited for our groceries to be checked. The Hispanic family right in front of us consisted of a lady with two of her children and a nephew she was raising. The small girl sitting in the buggy was so cute. The boys, ages eight and nine, were fine looking children. The older boy looked me straight in the eye and said, “I don’t speak English” and then he smiled from ear to ear. He was so cute and his beautiful smile and his childish humor reminded me so much of one of our grandsons who lives in North Carolina . While we were waiting we also did a lot of visiting with this family. Of course, the boys spoke good English. They said that people just assumed they spoke Spanish instead of English because of their physical appearance. In just a few minutes our hearts were touched by these beautiful children.

The mother said that they were moving back to Houston , Texas . The chances of seeing this family again is very doubtful. I could not help but to be moved emotionally when I contemplated they might not be taught of Jesus Christ. I prayed a short prayer upon arriving home for them and for all the children of the world that they might learn of Jesus. All of God’s children are beautiful and precious in His sight.

Even in our own city you see children of various races and nationalities. It doesn’t matter the color of their skin whether they are “red and yellow, black and white” they need to know of God’s saving grace and of Jesus who loves every one of them. I pray regularly that all of our grandchildren might come to know Jesus as their savior. As Christians, we should support monetarily and morally every effort to evangelize the world with the message of salvation, made possible through the death of the dear Son of God. You see the faces of the innocent children on television who have been devastated by the various natural disasters that have occurred recently and you want the very best for them. And the very best for them would be that they could be brought up in the “nurture and admonition of the Lord”.

In the accounts of Matthew 19:13-15, Mark 10:13-16 and Luke 18:15-17, it is recorded that people brought little children to Jesus “that he should touch them”. Matthew wrote that “he laid his hands of them” while Mark records, “And he took them in his arms, and blessed them, laying his hands upon them.” All three witnesses mentioned that Jesus had the highest regard for the children when he said, “Suffer the little children to come unto me; forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God .” Here was God incarnate in human flesh whose name was Jesus and He took the time out of his busy schedule to touch and caress these little ones and to bless them. It is to be more like our Lord when we take time to hug the children and teach them of Jesus who loves them so much.

A CHILD TO LOVE
You can have your wealth and riches all the things so many seek,
Position, power, and success, the fame you long to keep.
You can earn as much as you wish, reach a status high above,
But none of these can equal having one sweet child to love.
'Tis the greatest gift from heaven, little arms that hold you tight,
And a kiss so soft and gentle when you tuck them in at night.
A million precious questions and each story often read,
Two eyes so bright and smiling, and a darling tousled head.
God has never matched the goodness of a trusting little face,
Or a heart so full of laughter spreading sunshine every place.
A child to hold and cuddle, 'tis a gift from God above,
And the world is so much brighter when you have a child to love.~~ Author Unknown ~~